This week I’m taking a bit of a shortcut with the blog I’m sharing. I’m preparing for the Vision Workshop and one of the strategies we look at is the power of Decision.
I won’t do an all-out spoiler here in terms of what we’ll be covering at the workshop, but I do want to share with you the really powerful words of Sir Anthony Hopkins and his rallying call to make a decision about the people you are willing to give your energy and love to in your life.
When we create a vision for our lives not everything comes with us into that vision manifested. And that requires us to make some decisions about who and what to release.
Sometimes we’re leaving behind old patterns of thinking and replacing those limiting beliefs with more empowering ones. For example, if you’ve had a thought pattern up until now that “there’s always more month than money” and you have a vision for abundance and prosperity in your life, you have to replace that with something like “there is always plenty money for me to live with ease”.
Sometimes we’re leaving behind old habits of behaviour – as I’ve said before, if you want to climb a mountain or swim 2km, you can’t stay sitting on the couch binging on boxsets!
Sometimes we leave behind the people who are no longer a match for the person you’re becoming. This is the one that often catches people the most. It seems as if we think it is a bit Machiavellian to decide to pull away from people who are not a good match for us any more. I’m not entirely sure why we find this so difficult, but I’ve experienced it too.
Consider it like this. If you look back on your life, I’m sure there are people who were your best friends in primary school or secondary school, in your first job maybe. And at the time, you thought you’d be friends for life. But somehow, life intervened and through changes of school or location, a house or job move, one way or another you fell out of touch with some of those people. And it was as natural as a leaf falling from the tree in autumn.
So why do we make a big deal about allowing that same transition to happen in a more conscious way? It’s not that you suddenly cut people out of your life or behave badly towards them. It’s simply that you stop pouring time and energy into relationships that wear you out or drain your life force. And, you put that life energy into other relationships that are more sustaining, including your relationship with yourself.
So to support you in reflecting on this and to give you the courage to enact some decisions about who you spend your precious time and energy on, I share you with the words of Sir Anthony Hopkins. (With thanks to Sean Fargo, who shared this quote in one of his 5 Mindful Musings in January).
“Let go of people who are not ready to love you. This is the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do in your life and it will also be the most important thing.
Stop having difficult conversations with people who don’t want to change. Stop showing up for people who are not interested in your presence. I know your instinct is to do everything possible to gain the appreciation of those around you, but it’s an impulse that steals your time, energy, mental and physical health.
When you start fighting for a life with joy, interest and commitment, not everyone will be ready to follow you to that place. It doesn’t mean you have to change who you are, it means you have to let go of people who aren’t ready to be with you. If you are excluded, insulted, forgotten or ignored by the people you give your time to, you are not doing yourself a favor by continuing to offer them your energy and your life.
Truth is you ain’t for everybody and everybody ain’t for you. This is what makes it so special when you find people you have friendship with or mutual love. You will know how precious it is because you have experienced what is not. There are billions of people on this planet and many of them you will find at your level of interest and commitment. Maybe if you stop showing up, they won’t look for you. Maybe if you stop trying, the relationship ends.
Maybe if you stop texting, your phone will stay dark for weeks. That doesn’t mean you ruined the relationship, it means the only thing sustaining it was the energy you only gave to keep it.
That’s not love, that’s attachment. It’s giving a chance to those who don’t deserve it.
You deserve so much more. The most valuable thing you have in your life is your time and energy, as both are limited. The people and things you give your time and energy to, will define your existence. When you realize this you start to understand why you are so anxious when you spend time with people, activities or spaces that don’t suit you and shouldn’t be near you.
You will start to realize that the most important thing you can do for yourself and everyone around you is to protect your energy more fiercely than anything else.
Make your life a safe haven, where only people “compatible” with you are allowed.
You are not responsible for saving anyone.
You are not responsible for convincing them to do better.
It’s not your job to exist for people and give them your life!
You deserve real friendships, true commitments and a complete love with healthy and prosperous people. Decision to distance yourself from toxic people, will give you the love, esteem, happiness and protection you deserve.”
– Sir Anthony Hopkins
If you would love to learn more about the power of decision and core tools in the transformation process I teach, you can still join us at the Vision Workshop Live on 27 & 28 January, in Cork, Ireland. And know that by joining us, you will be in a powerful container of like-minded, heart-centred, growth-oriented people who are worthy of your time and energy as you are worthy of theirs. Full details and bookings here.